I was tortured with string

So I got ‘Threaded’ today. I don’t know if you know what that means but I’m going to explain ALL. I had heard the term before and I knew it was a form of hair removal, like getting your brows waxed, only they use string somehow. I have friends who get threaded and they rave about it. For some reason I didn’t Google it. If I had I might have seen this video to know what I was getting myself into.

Only that girl in the video who says, “It’s painless …”

Guess what? She LIES!

So I go into my local nail spa that prominently displays THREADING in huge letters on the building. I inquire a bit about it and am told that it’s wonderful, better than waxing, only takes 10 minutes and all other sorts of accolades. I ask about the expense and am asked, “For brows?” At my nod, the woman, who at first glance doesn’t appear to enjoy inflicting pain, says, “Twelve dollars.”

Fine, I’m in.

I’m led to a room in the back with a reclined table/chair. Before I so much as settle in she’s at me armed with white string. Zip. Zip.

What sort of hell am I in?

With every zip of her thread, I’m pushing my head further back into the table. I scrunch my eyebrows up, anticipating the next attack.

“Relax your forehead”, says the woman wielding the dental floss of doom. I do my best.

I’m pretty sure I’ve lost an entire eyebrow.

Cue sneezing attack. This happens when I tweeze too. She hands me a tissue and is back to zipping in .004 seconds.

Cue stomach erupting in angry rumbling growls.

“You hungry?”

“Nope, just ate.” See, my stomach has this tendency to go into a massive fight or flight response to pain or extreme relaxation. At a recent massage, my massage therapist commented that he was flattered. Today, this was no flattery.

She asks me to use my fingers to lift up my brow with one hand and push down on my lashes with the other because ‘the tighter the skin, the less it hurts’.

Cue Ginger attempting to rip her eyelid apart.

It is explained that threading is better than waxing or tweezing because you get all the hairs, even the little, soft, downy hair that no one sees and are just minding their own damn business.

So the hairs are being yanked out by their follicles, only unlike tweezing, where you pull them out one by one, you can yank out a whole row of hairs. Lots of hairs people, all in one zippity-do-da of a thread pull.

The woman explains how waxing is bad and it damages your skin permanently. (I already know this, thank you very much.) I mention that I hardly ever wax. In fact, I add that I’ve only waxed maybe 5 times in my life.

“Hhmm,” she mumbles.

Did she just call me a liar?

As I’m enduring this treatment, I think back to her question when I inquired about the price. You know, ‘For brows’, she asked. It got me to thinking about what else might get threaded. My tender armpits? My lip? ~~shudder~~ Or what about … on no, let’s just not ever think it again. I will purge that thought from my brain forever.

She gets to the area between my brows. “Lots of hairs in the middle.”

Yes, thank you for adding insult to pain.

Ziiiippp!

Holy mother of all that is merciful in the universe … be done already.

She mentions something about being painful the first time. So many hairs. Better next time.

She trashes her string. I’m pretty sure I’ve survived and she pulls out some tweezers.

Oh, kill me now. What happened to ‘all the hairs’ with the string? After she gives her last finishing touches, she hands me a mirror.

I still have eyebrows! And they look GOOOOD.

Freshly threaded eyebrows

Freshly threaded eyebrows

Thank you merciful heavens!

I pay her the twelve dollars plus I tip her 2 more. Why? Well, you’re supposed to, but also because before she started, she asked me my name, and told me hers. When I paid, she thanked me by name. I like that. (And she really wasn’t trying to be mean. Just doing her job.)

Furthermore, I have to admit that I will likely go again? What does that say about me? Maybe don’t answer that.

Tell me, have you been threaded?

About Ginger Calem

I never met a notebook I didn't want to buy. Pens speak to me. Sticky notes are dear to my heart. Some of my best friends are those clambering in my head trying to get onto the page. And when they have their stories told, and I release them to the world, I hope they'll be your friends too.

Posted on November 11, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. Ouch one of my friends posted a picture once with blood from hers and said it was the worst experience she ever had gone through. That picture pretty much stuck in my mind that I would never want to even try it nor go through that pain :) Hopefully you don’t have to do this too many times :)

    • I can see how one could bleed, if you had thinner, sensitive skin. No blood here! The upkeep can be compared to waxing or tweezing, only I think threading lasts longer. So they say. I’ll let you know. It truly does look way better than any wax I’ve done or my tweezing, which is hit and miss.

  2. Um, have I been threaded? No, and will I ever try it, after seeing the video and hearing your tale? Umm, hell no!

    But then, I’ve got a few decades on you, and my eyebrow hairs voluntarily jump out of my skin the minute they see my industrial strength tweezers. I’ve been asked at spas how I get my eyebrows the way they are. I smile sweetly and say, “They just grow that way.”

    As for other places to thread, there is no expletive strong enough, although the ancient Greeks plucked it all. Yikes!

    • You cracked me up with this: “my eyebrow hairs voluntarily jump out of my skin the minute they see my industrial strength tweezers”

      Hilarious!!

      Apparently the ancient Greeks are truly badass! :)

  3. heck no and after this, NO way!!!
    Thanks for the laugh :) Miss ya!

  4. Wow. I got a flyer for a new threading place in town and was curious. I hadn’t done my research on it yet. Now I don’t have to. Thanks for scaring me. I’m thinking I don’t want to go through that. You do look good, though.

  5. I’ve been curious about it, but I’d heard it hurts more than waxing. Ouch. I think I will pass! Your brows look great, though!

    • Well, some people say it doesn’t hurt at all. I do find that hard to believe. But apparently it gets better over time. I might try it again, because it doesn’t damage your skin like waxing and I didn’t truly DIE! ;)

  6. Yes, I have heard of threading. You my dear, have your fair share of brows. Ouch!

    Before I started plucking, too long ago to even want to think about, I think my brows would have been considered unibrows. Serious. I kid you not. Been plucking ever since. The tweezers and I have had a long and happy relationship. Now, since I’m older, they hardly grow anymore. I have a mustache instead. What? Getting older isn’t pretty my friend.

    So are you now considered a threader? Or threadie? In any case, may the force be with you Ginger! :)

  7. I have been threaded, but I admit I went back to waxing because it was SO much quicker and less painful to boot. And that’s saying something because we all know waxing isn’t painless! Luckily my eyebrows are blond so I don’t need to go very often – LOL

    • Ok, so, the only thing I’ll say is that waxing truly is bad for your skin. Sad, I know, because it’s fast. But it takes a thin layer of your skin and over time, it shows. *sigh* Beauty!!!!

  8. Your brows do look really pretty! Fortunately I think mine grow in a fairly decent shape. I pluck a a very few hairs every now and again, but mostly I just leave them alone. Who knows what the outer thirds will look like now that they’re finally starting to fill in again (stupid thyroid!). But if they start looking like Groucho Marx might be my father, or if I ever get the unibrow thing going on, I might take more drastic measures. For now though, I’ll leave the waxing and threading to people braver than I am. :)

  9. I have never been threaded. I am a waxer, but like you, I don’t have to do it often. That is what I like about waxing. I get it done three or four times a year and my brows stay well groomed the rest of the year. I can’t even imagine what a bikini threading would be like…

    • yeah, I can’t imagine that either. *shudder* Maybe they don’t even do that. I’d like to think not. I really didn’t mind waxing every now and again and doing the tweezing. That said, threading is a cleaner more polished look, even more than waxing IMO.

  10. I’ve been threaded and I warn you, the upper lip KILLS. I almost cried. However, I didn’t have to do it again for a lo-o-o-ong time.

  11. Nope…Saw it done in the shopping mall. I intentionally waited on the I poor victim to finish. When she walked out, I asked her if it hurt. Her reply, “Just grit your teeth.” Well that took me back instantly 18 years to my first child birth where I “grit my teeth”. I knew then that I would never try it! Perhaps she should have offered an alternative way of dealing with the pain. Then…maybe….I would of consider. Had a Chai Frappe instead on that day!

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