What the … WHAT?

Occasionally I run across a product that truly baffles me, not to mention an image I’d like to erase from my memory back.  This happened recently when I stumbled upon this doozy of a product, The bedazzled crack-patch.

**photo removed, unfortunately because it was a doozy of a pretty lady with her low-slung jeans, covering her crack with a denim bedazzled ‘patch’.  It defied the imagination, really!**


Yeah, that’s what I thought too.  I mean, wouldn’t you just wear pants that didn’t show off your crack?  Or how about seeing thong underwear proudly on display over the waistband of jeans.  A. Your shirt is too short. B. It’s just wrong, WRONG!

Or how about the male equivalent or this look …

**Picture young guy with all of her boxer-clad rear on display and belt tight around high thighs. UGH!!**


Sadly, I can tell you the trend in underwear for teenage boys in our town.  One trip to the middle school or high school and it’s all bagging out the top of their skinny jeans for all to see.

Now before you think I’m an out-of-touch prude, I’m totally down with low-rider jeans.  I have a closet full of them and have dutifully gotten rid of all my 80’s jeans.  But, I’m still not showing off my panties or my hiney and I sure as heck am not going to bedazzle my crack.

What do you think?


About Ginger Calem

I never met a notebook I didn't want to buy. Pens speak to me. Sticky notes are dear to my heart. Some of my best friends are those clambering in my head trying to get onto the page. And when they have their stories told, and I release them to the world, I hope they'll be your friends too.

Posted on January 24, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 46 Comments.

  1. LOL ~ that’s what I think 😀

    I’m totally with you on both counts. I think if I saw a bedazzled crack, I’d fall on the floor in a fit of laughter.

    In fact, next time I’m looking for a good belly laugh, I think I’ll hunt one down. HA!


  2. I’m kinda laughing too hard to type.

    is this a real product or a “advertisement” from the thoughtful folks at Saturday Night Live?

  3. Thank God I’ve never seen it or I would be ROTFL, no matter where I was. Seriously? A bedazzled crack? I don’t even want to think what comes next, haha. Awesome find, Ginger!

  4. What, you don’t want to be Vajazzled? OMG why ever not? Ok, I confess, the way people walk around with their cracks showing (forgive me) cracks me up. 🙂 That picture of the male equivalent was wayyyy too much information. Nice belt though. tee hee
    Now I’m cracking myself up. hehehe

  5. Boys loose jeans with underwear showing has been happening for years in our town. I just don’t get the point of having to keep one hand on your pants all the time so they don’t fall down. Have you ever seen them try to run?
    The bedazzled crack patch-now who wouldn’t want that?

    • Yep, Cora, here too. I don’t even mind the waistband showing a bit (for guys), but that whole…

      butt hanging out — belt around the thighs — walkin’ like an idiot, hurting my eyes (ok, maybe I won’t be a rapping sensation. hahaha)

      You can google and order some. The come in multiple colors, patterns, to match any outfit! 🙂

  6. Ha!!! Ginger, this post is way too much. If bedazzling one’s crack is necessary, maybe higher-riding jeans are in order?? Thanks for the laugh!

  7. This post is a riot! Some things just aren’t meant to bedazzled! 15 mins later & I’m still LMAO in my old-school Wranglers *not parting with them – no way, no how*

  8. This is too funny! The sparkles on my jeans pockets got highlighted in the airport scan (thankfully showing a generic woman’s outline, not my own exact body!), and it makes me wonder if a TSA agent would even WANT to do a pat-down on these!

    The kids at our middle school don’t have this issue. The principal, who knows every kid by name within the first three days, has a lovely office kit of duct tape for falling-down pants and ugly sweatshirts for too-revealing tops, all for the benefit of kids who didn’t bring decent clothes to change into. One trip to see Mr. Mendoza, and they never do it again! (as my daughter can attest) But then there’s the neighboring district’s middle school, where I subbed occasionally. A bedazzled crack might be an improvement!

  9. Ok – I am all for bedazzling insanity – we all know that. I am dying to try vajazzling! LOL! But if you are going to bedazzle your crack, you do it up right – NOT with a patch. EWWWW…so WRONG!! You bedazzle it with stick-on Swarovski Crystals…come on people – keep it classy! AND…I certainly wouldn’t bedazzle my crack and then SHOW it to the world via low-riders. Bedazzle it tastefully and then show it to your one special person….hehehe…
    I have no idea what the point is of of wearing your pants around your knees to show off your underwear. I am at a loss whenever I see it.
    Loved the post Ginger…LOL!!!

    • Natalie, you crack me up! If I vajazzled myself, I’d end up with missing embellishments and have to stress out about where they ended up. My cheeks are literally burning at the thought. You GO … then blog about it! haha

      Thanks for stopping by!!

  10. I’m old and old fashioned and I don’t care. I want to scream at these kids to pull up their damn pants. I don’t want to see their underwear. They look like complete idiots. I’m sure the inventor of the crack patch will make a ton of money! Funny stuff.

    • You and me both, Tim. Makes me buy really nice underwear for my sons. Gotta keep the rep up. haha! Fortunately, my boys don’t do the whole exposed butt thing. I’d give them a wedgey that would last longer than the idiotic fad!

  11. Woohoo! Plumbers everywhere are thrilled right now!

  12. This one is too funny! Other than that, I am speechless…

  13. I can’t even wrap my head around a bedazzled crack. But the boxers hanging out have been around for ages. I have a 12 y.o. boy and the rule is if I see underwear or I can pants you, the pants are mine and you get a smaller pair. I’ve never had a problem. (although that might be because he’s afraid I’ll pants him in public)

  14. I think important glad I’m glad I’m too old to even think about wearing them. vbg

  15. I don’t get it either. I’m trying to remember if there was an 80s equivalent. I mean acid wash jeans and massive hair were all bad, but was anyone showing their crack? I don’t think so 🙂

    • Yeah, I’m an 80’s girl too and I don’t remember anything quite like this. We did the flashdance look where you’d have that shoulder open. And, we did have the mini and cropped tops, which were bad enough. But I think we kept our doo-das to ourselves!

  16. I just spit rice and cauliflower across the lunch room table in front of a coworker after reading that last sentence. Dying laughing. Thanks needed that!

  17. I would love to know what the inventor was doing when they suddenly thought, “Hey, I have a great idea. I should create a way to bedazzle my crack.” Then again, maybe I don’t want to know . . . 😉

  18. Oh my gosh – the crack be-dazzler…I’m seeing a very, very awesome Halloween costume in the making!!

  19. What the heck is happening to this world? I’m with Natalie – if you’re going to bedazzle, then go right ahead, but keep it classy! That patch is just fugly.

    As for the boys and their undies? I once say a kid in the market with old, dingy, torn undies (his pants were riding way too low) and I told him, “Dude, if you want to impress me with your backside, at least wear entertaining underwear, not these lame old ones. Give me some Burberry or smiley faces. Anything but this.” He casually pulled his pants up and walked out of the store. That’s right and don’t let me see your undies again!

    Fortunately, my son was with me and it made quite an impression. That incident, and me telling him that if he even tries to go with the baggy look I’ll pull his pants down in public, have scarred him for life.

  20. Exactly, Tameri. At least wear fun boxers and for the love of briefs, make them clean!

  21. Okay – this is a new one one me. I’ve never seen anyone wearing (?) or displaying I guess would be more appropriate, one of these patches, and hopefully I won’t. I wonder if they make them big enough to fit plumbers because they sure like to show a lot of crack.

    Yeah, the thong strings above the jean waistband is another of my pet peeves. Really? Is that supposed to be sexy? Cuz, it’s not. And the guys with the boxers and their belts around their penises, doesn’t that hurt? I mean you’d have to cinch really REALLY tight so those pants don’t actually fall down. I’d rather just see the guys all walk around in boxers without the jeans. They all walk like they’re carrying a load in their boxers too. That is definitely not sexy.

    Quite the find, Ginger. If you check it out, let me know how that works for you.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  22. LMAO! And BLUSHING while I read. I guess I’m an old prude, ’cause I don’t get it.

    But I’ll tell you what, Ginger, I’m wondering what other sorts of things you find on the internet — uh, no, I don’t think I really want to know. The bedazzling, vagazzled, p–no, no, got to erase – erase those images!

    BTW I think the principal with the ugly sweatshirts and duct tape has the right idea! Maybe if we all had a similar arsenal . . . .

  23. I’ve seen far more crack than I care to comment on. But that! Wow! That’s just wrong. LMAO! Thanks for the giggle Ginger.

  24. That is one place that should definitely not be bedazzled! I go through life trying desperately not to show off my crack. Which is why I buy pants designed to hold a booty. But a special crack patch? That is waaaay too much for me.

  25. I found this incredibly funny. I can’t stand the butt crack, or worse, the blobs of fat hanging over those pants and half-shirts. DO YOU OWN A MIRROR?

    This reminded me of a few years ago. My son and I were stuck in traffic leaving an Adam Lambert concert (see I’m not a prude) and a kid walked by with his underwear like the picture above. My son and I sat for half an hour singing “Pants on the ground” and laughing our heads off, because every time traffic moved, we caught up with him. Soooo funny.

    • Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer! And we have something in common. I totally say, (or at least think) Do you own a mirror??! I’m amazed at what some people are walking around town wearing.

      Very funny about Pants on the Ground. hee hee!

  26. *face palm* ‘nuf said – or not…

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