WritersButt Wednesday — A Life-Changing Journey Begins

Hi everyone.

I’ve been looking forward to this day and it’s extremely special to me. A couple weeks ago, Jennifer Oliver  contacted me, as well as August McLaughlin, about getting control of her health. After we exchanged a few emails, I asked her if she’d be willing to make her journey public on my blog so that she could inspire others. Jennifer agreed because she made the decision to commit to her health, and she knows that with a team behind her, she will have the support she needs to succeed. Isn’t she awesome!!

Shortly after we set this plan in motion, Jennifer shared this great quote on her Facebook page. I think it’s incredible and epitomizes that moment when you’ve finally had enough and have made the decision to make the changes to make things different.

It’s one thing for me to encourage you to workout, do your potty squats, drink all that water, make good nutritional choices and quite another for you to see someone, just like you, actually do all of those things and then share with us how she’s doing. That’s what Jennifer has agreed to do and I’m so grateful she trusts me with her goals and to guide her on this journey.

Now, I’d like Jennifer to tell you her story.

~*~

It’s hard to put myself out there like this, to be so honest and admit my flaws for the world to see. But if my words can reach just one person, if I can help someone else in a similar situation, then it’s more than worth it for me to swallow some pride.

It’s no secret that I’d like to lose weight. I’ve posted before on my blog about wanting to get in shape, to get healthy. I made goals, I told my friends about them, and even added them to my ROW80 writing challenge. I bought Wii Fit Plus. I downloaded “Couch to 5K.” The intention was there, it really was. But it just never happened. Oh, I walked, worked out, and ate better for a couple of days or so, and then something would come up that would sidetrack me. “Life got in the way,” I said. But the real truth is that it got in the way because I let it.

Why? Because it was easier. I think it’s human nature to gravitate towards the easy path and avoid the really hard things in life. For me, I didn’t want to not acknowledge my situation. I didn’t want to admit to myself how overweight I’d become. I didn’t want to see how much I’d let myself go. I turned a blind eye to my weight and my poor exercise habits. Essentially, I turned my back on myself. 

But ignoring something or putting it off, doesn’t make it go away. My self-esteem was non-existent. Worse, if that’s possible. The weight kept building, to the point that it affected my way of thinking and my relationships. For most of my life, I was the skinny girl. Not any more. I hated the way I looked.

I avoided visiting old friends who came to town. I didn’t want to see the look on their face when they saw me. It’s hard to hide the “Wow, did she get big,” look that inevitably happens.

I didn’t want to go out in public if I could help it. My clothes didn’t fit right, or were uncomfortable. My ankles were puffy and there was NO way I would be seen in a bathing suit. I started saying at home more and more, inside the safety of my house where no one could see how crappy I looked.

I made excuses to not go clothes shopping. I’d say I just hated to spend the money, or that I really didn’t need anything. But really I didn’t want to go because of how it made me feel. Trying on clothes when you are really overweight is depressing. Items don’t fit. You have to go get yet another larger size. Or worse, you have to ask the sales associate if they even have a larger size and you get told “Oh I’m sorry, we don’t carry sizes that big.” Yeah, that feels good to your ego, doesn’t it? So I stopped going. But that’s not all. It gets worse.

I insisted I was embarrassing my husband, too. He denied it emphatically. My husband loves me, I have no doubt about this. Yet, no matter what he said, I just knew his friends were trying to figure out why he was with a fat chick. I would develop migraines from stressing about going to our friends’ houses to hang out. My clothes, my hair, my pale skin. In my mind, I looked ridiculous. My husband would swear I didn’t but I didn’t believe him. I didn’t want to be one of those people that everyone looks at and shakes their head because they were so overweight. In reality, I was embarrassed of myself and it was making things worse than what they were.

I lost friends. I got more depressed. I had trouble writing. I didn’t have any energy. I wanted to sleep – a lot. I wanted to eat comfort foods. A lot of comfort foods.

You know, it’s really hard to take a good, long look and see how poorly you’ve treated yourself. Or in my case, how I neglected myself. But I did it and I didn’t like what I found during that soul-searching moment.

I cried, no, I sobbed. Out of guilt for abusing myself, for the lost friends, and the lost moments of potential happiness that I’d denied myself. And then I decided I never wanted to feel that way about myself again. Ever.

Rationally, I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I didn’t have a clue where to begin. I needed coaching, guidance, a miracle – anything to point me in the right direction. Emotionally, it’s really hard to ask for help. Especially when it’s so personal. So I did what I do best – I wrote. Yes, it was just two emails but, hey, ya gotta start somewhere right? Believe me, those were two of the hardest emails I have ever had to write.

I contacted Ginger and August McLaughlin, two wonderful and beautiful women in my WANA writing group, and I asked them for advice. Their responses were better than anything I could have imagined. They both offered various ways that they could help me. I was humbled by their generosity and compassion. It strengthened my resolve. I must make a change. I have to.

So today, I’m officially announcing my decision to take part in a WritersButt Challenge. I know I’ve tried other things and failed, but I won’t be doing it alone this time. Ginger will be helping me to meet my goals and guiding me on the right path to do so. August will also be helping me by providing nutritional information. It’s going to be hard, there’s no doubt. I’ve got a lot of bad habits to break.

I am blessed to have people in my life like Ginger and August. People who would take time out of their busy lives to help another. Their willingness to help me lead me to make another decision:  to share my story, my challenges, and hopefully, my success. I’ll be posting my experiences and progress reports on my blog and Ginger is going to share updates with you, too. August will be visiting my blog to share some of her knowledge as well. With the support of these great women and the encouragement of friends and family, I truly believe I’m finally going to get my life back. 

~*~

Thanks you so much, Jennifer, for your honesty and for trusting us with your story. Never doubt that you have me in your corner, at your back, encouraging you to take one more step, to believe in yourself, and to celebrate every small victory.  I have no doubt that you have August at your back as well, in addition to all my amazing WritersButt Warriors.  You have a TEAM!

So team … let’s huddle up, hands in and it’s Jennifer Rocks on three —

One, Two, Three … JENNIFER ROCKS!!

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About Ginger Calem

I never met a notebook I didn't want to buy. Pens speak to me. Sticky notes are dear to my heart. Some of my best friends are those clambering in my head trying to get onto the page. And when they have their stories told, and I release them to the world, I hope they'll be your friends too.

Posted on July 11, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 64 Comments.

  1. Jennifer, tears build in my eyes as I read your post. I relate. I feel for you. I ache for you. I am INSPIRED by you!!! Girl…YOU ROCK! Thank you so much for being willing to not just take this on but share it with each and every one of us because it’s going to be my lifeline to get back on track.
    Women helping women.
    I love it!
    Girl….YOU ROCK!
    Here’s to this next journey and blowing blowing yourself away with everything you are going to accomplish. We’ll all be here…by your side…working out asses off with you!!
    Amen Sista!!!

    • Natalie, thank you so much for your encouraging words. I’m looking forward to this journey and sharing it with each of you. There will be tough times ahead, but I know that with the support of people like you that I can make it through. “Women helping women” – YES!

  2. Jennifer, you are definiitely not alone!!!! I’m so excited for you, for starting this new chapter in your life…one that you are in control of. I’ll be right there with you, not only cheering you on but joining you in trying to take back my health. I’ve been struggling with my weight and not working out because of back issues. I will be getting a nerve block next week that will give me 6-9 months of relief. So, in that time I plan on working my butt off to get back in shape! Thank you for being brave enough to share your story and I know each day will be a step toward being healthy! With all these wonderful women at your back, it will be hard not to succeed. 🙂

    • Shannon, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had back problems. I do hope that the nerve block works and provides you with much needed relief! In the meantime, I’ll be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes to feel better.

      All this support warms my heart! Thank you so much!

  3. Jennifer, you are not alone. Listen, once I quit competition I expected to get smaller without the heavy weight training. Wrong! I actually got fatter. Over the years the struggle just to stay even became an issue. After all, I’m a personal trainer; I’m supposed to know how to do this, right? I’m supposed to be perfect, right? Ha!
    Recently I remember something we used to call the Caveman diet back in the day. I discovered it has been revamped as the Paelo diet now. I remember how well it used to work, so my partner and I jumped on board. The weight and size are melting away while we eat whenever we want as much as we want. My cholesterol has normalized and I’ve gone off the anti-depressants. Add in an extra dog walk or two a week and the sky is the limit. I highly recommend it.
    I’ve been watching Ginger’s blog for some time now and I have to say, this lady knows her stuff. You couldn’t ask for a better mentor or a more supportive buddy than August.
    I wish you all the success in the world and I will be cheering you on. Good luck!

    • Pru, I haven’t heard of the Paelo diet. I’m so glad that you and your partner have found something that works for you and can be there to help each other stick to your guns. I think support and encouragement is key in any adventure one takes in life. I’m humbled to have found a community of writers like yourself that offer your wisdom and friendship so freely. And with all of you behind me, I’m sure to face this challenge in my life with much more determination! Thank you so much!!

      • Hey, Jennifer, you will surely find the path that works for you. Everybody is a bit different, what works for one may not work for another. Just remember to make good health and feeling good the priority, the rest will naturally fall into place. We are here for you, all of us. You will succeed. Your courage is truly inspiring and we are all cheering you on.

    • Pru – I just read about this. I know I can’t handle many carbs a day. perhaps we could talk offline about what you’ve learned about it. Ilove that it has lots of veggies. I don’t eat many grains because of my celiac disease, so it’s not a big stretch for me.

      • Louise, I eat ‘Paleo’ about 90% of the time, leaving me some wiggle room for wine (priority!) and occasional treats, like popcorn. I’d be more than happy to discuss this with you, as I’m sure Pru is as well. 😉

  4. Coleen Patrick

    Thank you for sharing such a personal–but oh so completely relatable story! I wish you all the best on your journey–I am cheering for you and feeling the inspiration from your leap. 🙂

  5. Jennifer, I’m typing this with a big hot lump in my throat.

    You are one of the most helpful, generous and supportive people I’ve met online. And I’m proud to be your friend. You’re funny and real. I just want to tell I think you’re incredibly brave and courageous to ask for help. So you’ve already overcome the biggest hurdle to success and how amazing is that? And I’m here for you too, my darling.

    When we’re low, and feel as if we no longer fit inside our own skin, it’s THE worst feeling in the world. And it seems to be self perpetuating. We end up in a vicious circle of negative thinking which impacts our lack of action and on it goes.

    You can do this. Baby steps. Be kind to YOU and try to cut yourself a break.

    What really resonates is how amazing your husband is. The man adores you. So bring him into this too, so that we can be a part of your linked-up support network of Team Jennifer, sounds good to me!

    Ginger, honey, how can we help without putting Jennifer under any pressure?

    And to August, how can we help in a practical way?

    • I was already tearing up from all the support and then I read your post, CC. Now the tears are just streaming.
      You hit the nail right on the head. The low feeling and how it impacts our lack of action does create a vicious cycle that feeds itself. Yes, baby steps are the way to go! 🙂
      My husband is AMAZING. He denies it but I know better. He’s definitely a keeper!! 🙂
      Your friendship and support means the world!
      Thank you!

      • Don’t you dare start! Too late, I’m crying too, but they’re happy tears. It’s all in our thinking which impacts our feelings. Dealing with negative thinking is hard because it’s become a habit. But you’ll break it.

  6. I can’t tell you how much I’m cheering for you, Jennifer! It takes guts to recognize the need for change, and more to reach out and forge ahead publicly. Your story will no doubt inspire many. THANK YOU for opting out of harmful weight control methods and prioritizing your health and happiness. 🙂 That alone is a major step toward success.

    Great questions, CC. I’d suggest being there for Jennifer and not focusing on body size or “the numbers.” Praise her for her commitment, without imposing any pressure or making confusing suggestions (such as diet tips you saw on Dr. Oz or whatnot ;)). Taking care of ourselves in healthy, flexible ways is also encouraging, not just to Jennifer, but to all of us.

    It’s important to note that changing one’s diet and lifestyle doesn’t fix underlying problems. Just a reminder for all of us. So supportive friends are crucial, in matters unrelated to health/weight/fitness, too. I’m sure Ginger has thoughts to add.

    Go, Jennifer, go! Here for you any ‘ol time, and can’t wait to support you further food/nutrition-wise.

    • August, I have to say that many of your posts have helped me get to this point in my life. Your “I am beautiful” campaign had an huge influence on me. I think it was the trigger for stepping back to look at what was going on with my health.
      I’ve always believed that with the right balance of exercise and nutrition that a person’s body will find its appropriate size. And those weight control methods may work – but they only work for a short time. I want LONG term change and that means I have to change my thinking and all my bad habits. 🙂
      I’m so thankful to have you and Ginger on my team, helping me choose the right paths!!

    • Yes, I hear what you’re saying, August, and it’s so true about size or numbers. And as you say it’s for everyone to benefit. Looking forward to the journey, Jennifer!

  7. Oh my Gosh, Jennifer – you are beautiful for putting yourself out there. We’re here for you. The first step of the AA 12-step program is admitting you have a problem. Good for you! You just moved on to step 2. Just forgive yourself and move on from here. You can’t change the past and you can’t change the things you have no control over. But you can change the future and you can change you – so let’s get to it!

    Thanks Ginger for your encouragement and support. Let’s everyone get on board and make Jennifer the winner of our on-line cyber The Biggest Loser (and I mean that in a super good, positive way)!

    Start with baby steps. Take the stairs – not the escalator or elevaor. Unless you’re going up like 200 stories (or even three at this point cuz it’ll feel like 200). I’m climbing right there with you.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    • You know, I’ve always thought that regardless of the challenge one faces in life, the 12-step program is a good guide. You are so right though, you can’t change the past or the things you can’t control. My daughter is in a rough situation right now with a relationship and I’ve told her this many times. You’d think that I’d listen to my own advice, wouldn’t you? lol!

      I’m ready to change the future! I do take the stairs whenever possible and I’ve already started drinking a lot more water. Baby steps, little changes here and there. It makes a difference, it really does!
      Thank you for your support – I truly appreciate it!

  8. Jennifer — I can relate to your story so much. Everything you said, I’ve felt and thought. I will be cheering for you on this new journey and I wish you the very best.

  9. Rhonda, it was hard sharing all those thoughts and feelings but I knew that there were others out there that are going through or have gone through the same thing. My hope is to encourage others to find the path to better health – not for looks or to get society’s approval. But rather for themselves – to find the happiness that being unhealthy takes from us. We all deserve to feel good about ourselves and be happy – no matter what the numbers on the scale are!!
    Thank you so much for your support and encouragement!!

  10. I’m so glad you’ve found a great support system, Jennifer! That is so important when you need and want to make a change in your life. Know that you’re not alone, and have a lot of people rooting for you.

    One thing I’m sure you’ve heard before, maybe in the comments here even, but I hope you’ll come to realize that anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself is someone you shouldn’t give the time of day to. Their opinions don’t matter. People who judge others, for ANY reason, only do so because there’s something wrong with them, not the person they’re judging. So ignore them. Live your life, have fun, buy pretty clothes in the size you wear now…and just don’t worry about the rest. You’re a work in progress. Enjoy who you are now. 🙂

  11. Jennifer, you are so brave. I have such admiration for this new journey you’ve chosen to take. And how wonderful to have Ginger and August guiding you. I believe in you, I know you can do it. I’m honored to be one of the WANA-ites you count on for support. –Alicia

  12. Kristy, you are so right – I am a work in progress. I haven’t been happy with me for a while now, but I’m ready to make the changes necessary to get back on track.
    Thank you for your support and wonderful reminder that I need to be less worried about those judgmental types and more worried about finding my own happiness. 🙂

  13. Wow. Beautiful, inspiring words of strength and determination. Like several others who have commented here, tears were welling up in my eyes. Such courage to not only share your story, but to take that long, hard look at how you were treating yourself. With a support team like this behind you and the personal strength you clearly have, there’s no doubt in my mind you’ll achieve your goals.

    • Tami, thank you!!
      It was a shock to realize how much I had neglected myself. Too many years of putting the corporate job first, and family needs came before my own. I created a very bad habit of saying “I’ll exercise later, or I’ll start next week.” But something always came up and I’d push my own needs to the back burner. No more! I’m ready to rock this WritersButt Challenge!

  14. Oh Jennifer, I am cheering you on from my little corner of the world. Having Ginger and August there to give you advice and support will not only help you but help so many people who will get a chance to read your posts. I’m looking forward to your journey to feeling better physically and emotionally. You are so brave for making this decision personally and publicly. WTG!

  15. mgmillerbooks

    Well, all the women and this boy support you, anyway. Ha. There’s no way you’re getting off track with this rabid pack. In fact, I venture to say that in a very short while you’ll probably be able to kick my ass.

    I see you, Jennifer. See who you are. You’re beautiful 🙂

  16. Jennifer I think it is so wonderful that you opened up and asked for help! We all are behind you! I gained weight after college and it took a total lifestyle change to lose the weight. Looking back and after 2 pregnancies, it’s fear that has kept it off. I could never diet and still can’t. I get hungry just thinking about it! For me it has always been about portion control and not denying myself tastes of everything.
    Good luck to you on your healthy journey! Believe me, good health and getting exercise can become addictive!

    • Hi Susie!
      Changing your lifestyle and bad habits are tough. I’m so glad you were able to make the change and keep it going. I look forward to do the same. And I don’t think I’d mind being addicted to good health – not one bit. 😉
      Thank you so much for your encouragement!

      • What happened to me was I met a granola researcher bike racer guy. He was the catalyst. We broke up after almost 3 years and then immediatedlyDanny and I got together and got married! Danny is an active guy too and always up for fun. 🙂
        I think I heard that it takes 3 weeks to get into any habit. Visualizing your goal and workouts helps too. I am a HUGE believer in visualization!

  17. Jennifer, you are AMAZING in many many ways, and I am SO inspired by and proud of you for putting yourself out there like this. Go Jennifer Go!!!

  18. Laird, you made me cry again! You’ve listened to me worry many times and you’ve always encouraged me – even when you were swamped with work. Thank you! Your friendship means a lot to me and I’m grateful to have you cheering me on!

  19. Jennifer, you represent so many of us, and we’ll take this journey with you. Good job choosing Ginger and August as gudes. They’re smart, realistic, and have heard it all when it comes to whining, so we won’t be able to get anything past them. Ready? Let’s go.

  20. Jennifer, I’m so excited and happy for you. I’ve felt everything you’re feeling. I know. It becomes self-defeating feedback loop.Self-compassion is the first step out of it. YOU ROCK!

    • Oh my goodness, Debra. I think that’s probaby the best way I’ve heard it explained! A self-defeating feedback loop – exactly. And every time it looped – it knocked me down a little more. But I’m so lucky to have just a wonderful group of people behind me!
      Thank you so much for your encouragement!

  21. I am awed and touched by the outpouring of support and love for Jennifer. I’m not in the least surprised, but I’m still overwhelmed. I knew you all would rally together and you’ve exceeded even my greatest expectations. Be ready for some awesome check-ins from Jennifer as she continues to move toward her goals!

    This is SO exciting!! Woo!!!

  22. Karen McFarland

    Jennifer, you ROCK!!!

    As I said the other day on our WANA1011 facebook page, our group of writers are an amazing, caring, loving, supportive people! We never expected to receive this from our class, but we got so much more! I am so proud of you Jennifer for seeking help. That’s a hard step to take. And I want to be there with you through your journey along with everyone else who has expressed such heart-felt feelings about you. Even though we speak through the internet, your voice is always kind, generous and true. You are in the best of hands and I have no doubt that you will suceed. A big thanks to Ginger and August! Okay, I’m feeling very emotional right now, so I have to sign out. I’m sending you a huge hug! 🙂

  23. Jennifer, you are so brave to put this journey out there – but what a wise choice to pick these 2 beautiful women to guide you on the journey. well done. can’t wait to watch your progress.

  24. I’m with Natalie…you made me cry, Jennifer. I’ve been in the weight fight and it’s the pits. I’ve done most of what you mention up there and I’m glad you’re stepping up and fighting back. You deserve it!!!

    • It really is the pits isn’t it, Jenny? But I’m determined to make this change in my life and find the healthier me that I know is in there somewhere! lol! Thank you for your encouragement!!

      • You are very, very welcome, Jennifer. Please reach out to as many of us as you need to while you do this journey. We’re here.

        Two things I hope you keep in mind:

        – You are EXTREMELY pretty
        – There is more to you than dress size.

        I know that’s easy to say, and harder to live, but I think how much energy you have and how you feel are more important than the number on the scale. Again, don’t forget that you are gorgeous, sassy and bootylicious. 🙂

        Last but not least, the biggest change in my own weight fight came when I discovered I was unable to process or break down certain foods. Once I figured that out, I stopped gaining weight.

        It’s still a fight to take it off, but I was freaking out because the number kept going up and I couldn’t figure out WHY. I’d gained almost 40 pounds by the time I discovered my gluten intolerance. I’ll tag you when I do the post.

      • I also experienced arthritis, gastric reflux, diabetic symptoms, hormonal imbalance and hypothyroidism, all of which went away when I got the inflaming foods out of my diet.

  25. Jennifer you are totally amazing and are in incredible hands!! Ginger is a fantastic trainer and is always behind her peeps 110%. She and August are both so knowledgeable and are the perfect choice for creating a program for you to reach your goals. You have a huge cheering section in the WANA’s, myself included. As a team we will reach your goals and likely many others as you’ve inspired many to jump on your healthy train! Let’s go ROCK THIS!!!

  26. Jennifer, you have an awesome team behind you and I know you can do this! I’ll be right there with you, as I’ve gotten off track of my exercise goals due to crazy hormone issues:) But you’ve inspired me to keep plowing ahead, through all the muck. Thanks Ginger for sharing!

  27. Jennifer, I’m in awe that you’re beginning your journey to taking better care of yourself and sharing it with us all. You’re an inspiration. And so are Ginger and August. Their blogs are so good for us all. I’m cheering for you.

  28. Good luck, Jennifer! I can’t wait to hear your success! 🙂

  29. I can’t believe how close to home this hit. OW. Perhaps this needs to be a huge eye opener to me… my growing waistline has affected my writing and self-image way too much.

    So, time to find out about this whole WritersButt thing!

    Good luck to you, Jennifer, and any other woman who read this and cried/felt bad for themselves/wanted to make a change.

    • Dahnya, your comment really touched me. You know you’re NOT alone! That’s why Jennifer is willing to put herself out in there to let others know it can be done and you have support. Here is a link to a WritersButt post in June where I post all the links from the start of WritersButt. If you want to ‘start’ at the beginning, scroll to the bottom of this post and click away! https://gingercalem.wordpress.com/2012/06/13/writersbutt-wednesday-taking-my-own-advice/

      Thanks for commenting.

      • Thank you for that link, Ginger. I’ve started right away and am embracing Week One’s challenge as we speak. Here’s to twenty ounces of water five times a day!

        It’s hard sometimes to remember that the internet is full of people just like me, so need support and a helping hand sometimes. You’re a wonderful person for helping us all with this – so thank you so much! I will be here every Wednesday!

      • Dahnya, I’m so glad you’ve decided to do WritersButt, too!
        It really does affect every part of your life before you even realize it. And even though there are others who feel this way, so many of them hide these feelings inside and try to make these changes alone. I’m so glad you chose to comment and let me know that you’re in this with me. 🙂 We can do this together!!
        I want to let everyone who feels like this know that you don’t have to do it alone! I’m here to help with support and encouragement, and a friendly ear to listen when you need to talk.
        Its tough to make a change like this, but with the support of people like Ginger and all these fabulous people who have joined her, I have no doubt that we will totally ROCK this!!

  30. Jennifer, you do rock! It is hard to make that change. I started making the change in January and now I’m in that hey, I lost weight so maybe I can slack off???? NO! I’m not going back I will continue. Your story has inspired me. I’m a ROW80 person too. I’ll try to find you on the link list. I’m http://www.pencildnacer.com Truly not trying to hijack this post but to find a way to encourage.

    BTW love the the term WritersButt.
    Diana

    • Thanks Diana!
      I’m so happy that I’ve inspired you to keep going. Losing weight is just half the process, keeping it off and maintaining that healthy lifestyle and habits is just as important.
      I giggle every time I say “WritersButt” – not sure why, but I love the word! 🙂
      Thank you again for your encouragment!

      • I know! I giggle too at “WritersButt” Yep, that maintaining is important. I took one year to learn how to eat gluten free (had too not a choice) and have been spending the last two years learning how to eat better choices. GF food (bread and pasta) have way more calories than ‘normal’ people food.

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