Google is the new Sex Ed

I do not consider myself someone who lives under a rock or is clueless about the, shall we say, sexier part of life. For starters, there was some wild years way back when. And I’ve been married over 18 years with three children born from that marriage. I’m well aware the stork didn’t drop them off. I’ve seen some racy movies and I’ve read me some saucy books.  So it always shocks me when, well, I’m shocked.

Let me explain.  Next month I’ll be traveling to Surrey, BC to attend the Surrey International Writers’ Conference. While there I’ll be presenting a workshop about my ongoing blog segment, WritersButt, where I harangue encourage people to incorporate fitness into their daily writing life (or any life!), to eat well and all that good stuff, to promote creativity and better fitness. For my workshop, I thought it would be fun to have a prize or two, or a fun giftie to hand out. Right? Wouldn’t that be kind of cool?

So, I’ve been searching for stuff and not coming up with anything that really knocked my socks off. I Googled ‘WritersButt’ where I saw some interesting images. I Googled ‘Potty Squats’ which brought back a plethora of memories and vivid images of the toilets in Japan. Then I tried ‘Butt Novelties’.

Now, stop laughing. I thought there would be little notepads with Butt jokes, maybe even a Butt Bobblehead. I don’t know. But, (no pun intended) I did not expect to see terms like expandable plugs or some product called a butt banger. It appears as if some company, unfortunately named liquid@ss sells a bottled butt crack fragrance. Like, there’s really a market for that?

Ah, the things I learn!  This brought back another time when I was riding the clueless train.  A few years ago I was in New York visiting one of my best writing friends with another best writing friend. There was an industry luncheon where we got to schmooze with agents, editors and other writers. Fun times.

At one point, there were five of us tooling around town, four writers and an editor for, among other things, erotic romance.  I was in the back seat with my besties and from the front the term SMBD is bandied about. (P.S. I just had to Google that to make sure I had the acronym right. OY!)

Friend on the right whispers to me, “What’s that stand for?” Now, I didn’t want to seem like a complete noob, so I confidently answer, “Oh, it’s that number attached to books for sales and stuff.” (ISBN number)

Um, friend on the left starts laughing – and explaining. Ginger gets educated.  Much hilarity and guffawing commence.

Who knew??!!  Ok, I bet you all did but I didn’t. Now I do!

And now I also know a thing or two about butt novelties that I’m pretty sure I didn’t need to know.

Thanks, Google. It’s been an enlightening day.

Please tell me I’m not alone? Some of you have to have run across some stuff in Google searching that gave you the jaw-drop. Come’on – Fess up!!


About Ginger Calem

I never met a notebook I didn't want to buy. Pens speak to me. Sticky notes are dear to my heart. Some of my best friends are those clambering in my head trying to get onto the page. And when they have their stories told, and I release them to the world, I hope they'll be your friends too.

Posted on September 18, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. Haha. Funny, ISBN/SMBD. Had to laugh 🙂 I was just reading a post minutes earlier in which, while watching Glee with his daughter, the blogger got asked what the actress meant by the term ‘scissoring’. One reader said her son had headed to the net to find a visual, for better explanation. Google is the new sex ed, indeed.

    • Hi Kat. Thanks for stopping by. Ah Google is Mr. Smartypants!! On sort of serious note, I have teens in the house and they google stuff for school (and who knows what else). Scary what a simple saying might bring up. Appreciate the comment. Have a great day.

  2. Yes, I learned very quickly that you have to screen the search results before letting a child see the screen. I was telling a story about coulotes (koolottes? I don’t remember how to spell it) those short/skirt hybrids from the ’80’s that are different from a skirt. Well, kids didn’t know what they were. Enter Google. Oh, wow. Who knew ugly ’80’s shorts could be so dirty!

    • Coullotes/cullotes — or however they are spelled — bring up dirty stuff on Google? Get out!! I totally used to wear those. And now I’ll have to see how they are betrayed on google. 😉

  3. Ginger! I’ll go with you if you need/want a demo on use of coffee grounds for avoiding Butt Dimples. BTW, I’m appalled that I misspelled your name in my pingback. Problem fixed. I found that gem of a cure through a Google search. But, the worst thing is that I tried it.

    I put a call out on Facebook — specifically tagged Jenny Hansen and Natalie Hartford because those two seem to get themselves in Google pickle juice at least weekly.

    • You really did try the coffee ground thing? Wow! That’s some serious blog research. No biggie on my name spelling. Hey, back to those dimples, google ‘foam roller’. (Let’s hope it’s a clean search.) If you ‘roll out’ with a dense foam roller, (like the black one — don’t even get me started on the firm-black-jokes), not only will it be great for muscle recovery, it’s said to really make a dent (haha) in that dimple issue.

      • Ginger! I tried it four times before I put it in my “never again” weekly report. That led to one more session so I could get “before” and “after” pics of the mess for the blog article.

        Off to Google foam roller — dense, black.

        Not even I can make a mess with one of those, right? Right????

        Had my first kick-boxing class this morning. ARGH! Appears I need to do some sciatic nerve stretches b/c my right leg keeps seizing up during aerobic exercise. I. Can. Not. Give. Up. My. Exercise. Routine.

        Coffee grounds massages with seaweed and plastic wrap? Easy-peasy decision.

  4. Well, I found some interesting things too. Before embarking on our last cruise, I decided to buy a new gown for formal night. I always wear the same 2 or 3 dresses whenever we cruise and I was tired of them. Plus I had lost a little (and I do mean little) weight so I decided I’d get something a little more form fitting than my other 3. I found a glorious green silk gown at the 80% off rack at our local bridal shop. It fit me to a tee, but had a more plunding neckline than I usually wear. (I have no boobs so the plunging neckline is wasted on me.)

    Any hoo, I was looking for some of that double stick fabric tape to use on the cups of the dress so they wouldn’t gape when I sat down. Again, the having no boobs creates gaping. I didn’t want to be self-conscious all night so I wanted to stick the dress to my chest and forget about it.

    I googled body tape from the Amazon website and let’s just say, I was sort of grossed out. I tried various other search words and sat slack-jawed. I had no idea.

    I did find my tape though, along with nipple petals. I bought the tape, which worked fabulously, but skipped the nipple petals. Maybe next time.

    Thanks for sharing your fun story. I’d love to chat with you privately about your writer’s butt program. I’m the programs coordinator for my local RWA chapter and am looking for speakers for next year. if you’re interested, shoot me an e-mail. As an added bonus, I happen to live in a very wine rich part of California. We could do some damage if you were to visit. And the wine wouldn’t be in a box either. (tee hee)

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    • I always love your comments Patricia. Nipple Petals — tee hee!! I want picture of beautiful dress! I bet you looked stunning, plunging neckline and all.

      Ooh, will totally message you regarding speaking … I mean, you did mention wine. 🙂

  5. I’m crying with laughter here!!!!!! Hahaha! OMG! …’a butt banger’…

    You would be amazed at what there’s a market for. Not that I’d use all this stuff personally or anything, but human beings never, ever, cease to amaze me.

    Years ago when I was but a child, ahem, a colleague at work (male) mentioned issues with a ‘rubber’ in a joke that flew right over the top of my head and I piped up, ‘I don’t understand what an eraser has to do with it.’ Cue a deathly silence and the boss hauled all four men into his office to give them a lecture on telling off colour jokes in front of ‘a wee innocent.’ (I’m Scottish)

    Not long after the same guy was telling the tale of another colleague (single guy) who’d been, ‘Banging an old boot in the stairwell of a hotel.’ Amongst the howls of laughter, I said, ‘Why would he want to do that to a boot?’ (I’d no idea ‘an old boot’ was an old ‘ho!) Again they were hauled into the boss’s office and warned that, ‘If one of you is responsible for Christine losing her innocence in this office, you’ll be sacked.’

    My husband still howls with laughter over that statement.

    • Christine, I LOVE your stories. hahaha!! You’re such a ‘wee innocent’. That’s about how I felt in my scenarios.

      So, they called a ho a boot? I’ve not heard that one. I assumed ‘old boot’ was, well, an older person and I guess that’s a whole other image now isn’t it. *snicker*

  6. Thanks for the info about butt banging, butt fragrance and expandable plugs! Glad I discovered a blog that researches and focuses on my favorite subjects.

  7. Wait, let me wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes so I can see my monitor. There, that’s better. Never a dull moment with you around, Ginger! One time I googled my favorite mineral-based foundation make-up, Bare Essentials. Oh-la-la, you wouldn’t believe what came up. Apparently there are all kinds of essentials I had never thought to bare before. 🙂

    • Now I’m wiping tears. I use Bare Essentials too but clearly I haven’t googled them. Hang on while I do that so we’re on the same page ….

      Oh mercy!! The make up is there but also, well … lots of baring. And that purse — seriously, who would carry that? Brwhahahaa!

      Thanks for having fun with me.

  8. Awesome! I love that your Google search turned up an…education…. ha ha
    BUT…I’ve never heard the term SMBD before. BDSM…maybe. But still…ISBN…that one I hear all the time!
    Awesome post and you’re right, the paperback scent would be WAY better than the butt crack. Obviously. 🙂

    • Elena, I’m so glad someone else wasn’t familiar with SMBD — or maybe your acronym is the same thing only different order or ‘terms’?

      Now you see why your paperback perfume made me smile today. ha!

  9. As you may remember, LIGHTS, CAMERA, CASSIDY went through a couple different incarnations for the series name. At one point, it was Cassidy on Camera. Yeah. I googled that one time by mistake. It appears there is a rather busty person named Cassidy who, you know, takes it off for the webcam. And… stuff. Yeah, google can be an eye-opener.

    • Oh my gosh, Linda! Hilarious and I bet quite a visual for you at the time. I find this especially funny knowing you personally. I can practically hear you, “My eyes … my EYES!!” 🙂

  10. You are not alone Ginger. You got me girl. SMBD? Sorry, I don’t get out much. LOL! There’s just too much for me to keep up with. And do I really want to keep up with everything? Not sure. But how sweet of you to think of bringing a gift with you. You are going to do well! 🙂

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